Ruth Einstein’s Annual Super Bowl Proclamation
Every year since 2014, I’ve asked my partner Ruth Einstein which team she’s rooting for in the Super Bowl. A violinist, teacher and the most beautiful and aware human being on the planet, Ruth doesn’t care much for football. With that in mind, here below are her annual Super Bowl proclamations. (I think 2016 and 2015 are still among my favorites. But I report; you decide.) And in lieu of Super Bowl images, I give you Superb Owl images.
Bryan: Hey, Ruth. So are you rooting for Tom Brady and the Bucs or Patrick Mahomes and the Chiefs?
Ruth: Joe Biden and the nation.
(I caught up with Ruth just as she was heading outside, as usual, into winter.)
Bryan: Ruth, wait. Which team in the Super Bowl this year? The San Francisco 49ers or the Kansas City Chiefs?
Ruth: What? They still name sports teams that way? Those were both fields of slaughter of indigenous people — by miners in California and frontiersmen in Kansas. I’m going out for a ski.
Bryan: Hey, Ruth, who do you like in the Super Bowl this weekend?
Ruth: The Super Bowl can’t be this weekend. The Super Bowl is always the same weekend as the Vermont Philharmonic’s winter concert.
Bryan: No, no, not this year — for whatever reason. The Super Bowl is this weekend. Are you rootin’ for the Patriots or the Rams.
Ruth: I’m rooting for the Dvořák cello concerto two weeks from now.
Bryan: So, Ruth, which team you rootin’ for in the Super Bowl this year?
Ruth: I’m rooting for the neurosurgeons. I’m hoping they can save these boys from brain damage.
Bryan: Ruth, which team do you like in the Super Bowl?
Ruth: Which team’s closest airport had more demonstrators last weekend?
(Note: This was at the time of massive protests against Trump’s first Muslim ban.)
Bryan: So, Ruth, which is your team for in the Super Bowl?
Ruth: I don’t know. Who’s playing?
Bryan: Uh, I think Denver and Carolina.
Ruth: Actually, it doesn’t matter; I’d rather watch grass grow.
Later that day …
Ruth: So Carolina is playing? North Carolina or South Carolina?
Bryan: Just Carolina.
Ruth: What do you mean? Doesn’t every state have a football team?
Bryan: No, no way.
Ruth: No? I thought every state has a team. Name one that doesn’t.
Bryan: You know about “Deflategate,” right?
Ruth: I’m all for it. If anyone needs their balls deflated it’s football players.
Bryan: So, Ruth, which team are you rootin’ for?
Ruth: I don’t know. What color are their uniforms?
Later that day …
Bryan: You know the rules of football, right?
Ruth: Yeah, of course. I read Charlie Brown comics. One team tries to kick the ball and the other pulls it away.
Even later that day …
Bryan: Ruth, do you know the two teams?
Ruth: Which are the Christians and which are the lions?